| There’s an adorable little two-year-old who
recently showed up walking along the walkway in front of my apartment.
Since I’d never seen her there before, and her dad appeared to be
helping someone move in, I thought I’d only see them at that moment.
Taking a moment to deeply engage this child made my day. That was two weeks ago….. Then I noticed her again, and her Dad still had the tell-tale green two-wheeled hand truck that always denotes “moving” in the apartment complex world. Many of my neighbors jump at the chance to move their relatives into every unit that becomes available, so I assumed he was helping relatives. There she was again walking around being delightful and bolting up any staircase she could find. To my absolute delight today, I saw that this divine being is my downstairs neighbor! Brand new, and since they moved in when I wasn’t home, I was totally jazzed to see that she lives right downstairs. What a treat. We spent twenty minutes going up and down my stairs. As a neuroscientist, of course, I was facinated to watch her stair-climbing ability develop by leaps and bounds just within ten minutes of doing it. She can go down with her left foot first. We discoverd she has not yet developed the ability to go down right-foot first. Amazing stuff! But what was even more of a treat to the adult woman in me was to see her mother interact with her. This woman is the absolute dream-parent that every kid deserves, but so few get! At a truly instinctive level, Natalie’s mother was giving Natalie her full attention. Not her half-way, otherwise distracted attention, but her FULL attention. This child lives in the absolute reality that she is fully and completely loved and valued by her mother. No hang ups, no resistance to love or intimacy. It didn’t require her mother to DO anything. It didn’t require an overwhelming amount of “mothering” or giving. It simply required her mother to be fully present to paying attention to the child when the child needed it. This was not merely her mother just looking in Natalie’s direction. This was her mother’s full BEING, relaxed but engaged in observing and connecting with her child. It may appear simple or obvious to an observer, yet it was absolutely distinct from how most of the mother’s I’ve met in my adulthood relate to their kids, especially around here. The vacant eyes, looking in the kid’s direction, but not really meeting their gaze. The looking by not connecting to their being. Their unwillingness to engage emotionally with their kids. The disconnected presence in a big body who stands there and makes sure the kids doesn’t break their head open, but certainly won’t open their heart to emote and connect with the child. That’s what most of the kids unfortunately get for a mother. I wish it weren’t that way. Today, interacting with my neighbor and her daughter was truly a gift to me. It was my honor, in those twenty minutes, to see the very soul and essence of motherhood displayed right before me. I know this child will always be loved and cared for the way she needs. I so deeply wish it were that way for every child around here. |